MOVIE REVIEWS

Share your thoughts. We appreciate it!

Write Review

The joke is firmly on us.

I myself like a lot of cinematic offerings that require the brain to be left at the door. There's something very calming about being able to sit back and drive oneself into a movie with absolutely no worries about themes, agendas, politico posturing and etc. What shouldn't be tolerated is when film makers ask you to not only leave your brain at the door, but to also dribble with it and slam dunk it into the nearest garbage can.

Alexandre Aja's 2010 redux of Piranha was a whole bunch of fun, even away from the 3D, in 2D form it had a devilish glint in its eye, but this on the other hand is an embarrassment to all involved. Who doesn't love the female form? Whatever your sexual proclivities et al, you would have to be dead to not appreciate the splendour of Eve's offspring. But when it's your main selling point, when you are only trying to please a very small movie watching demographic, then you got problems.

John Gulager (director in the broadest context of the word) wants to craft a Porky's for this latest hairy palmed generation, whilst he even thinks a touch of Grindhouse might curry favour with the mall rats and skaters. Everything about this picture stinks, the acting, the hopeless attempts at suspense, badly timed jokes, poor stereotyping, laughable effects work, and on it goes. Standing up and saying it's meant to be tacky, corny and tongue in cheek just doesn't cut the mustard here, bad film making is just that, especially when it's done purely to make money.

Right, I'm off to dive into a tank full of piranha fish, because that will surely be better than having to ever sit through this movie again. 1/10

The piranhas are back. Why? Not really sure, don't really care. But they are, and its a sad sight. This time they manage to lure their way into a water park, and you surely imagine what will happen. An endless amount of pointless killings, blood... everywhere. There are people too, mind you, a virgin, a greedy dude, a celebrity lifeguard, a couple of innocent youths and a corrupt cop, and more... but it matters not, they can't save eachother, and they certainly can't save this movie.

I have to admit, I knew what I was going into, but I still sad down and watched it. It was painful to say the least, and the few laughs that were provided, were... horrible forced laughs. I would really like to know which people love these type of movies and why they watch them. Why I watched it, you ask? I wish I had a good answer.

Anyways, my days watching anything remotely like this, are... over.

_Last words..._

Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

May 26, 2017

The fifth installment of the Disney franchise founders despite its starpower....

Movie Review: Alien Covenant

Movie Review: Alien Covenant

May 19, 2017

Astronauts make increasingly illogical decisions in latest Alien installment....

Movie Review: A Quiet Passion

Movie Review: A Quiet Passion

May 19, 2017

The life of Emily Dickinson is explored in this subtly humorous film. Cynthia...

Movie Review: King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Movie Review: King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

May 12, 2017

Guy Ritchie forges cockney swagger, multiple medieval legends; it's weird. Ye...

Pirates of the Caribbean Tracking for $90 Million Opening Weekend

Pirates of the Caribbean Tracking for $90 Million Opening Weekend

May 10, 2017

This May the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise returns to the silver screen ...

Movie Review: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Movie Review: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

May 04, 2017

An entire universe of gleeful violence and a great soundtrack. He may be cute...

Movie Review: My Entire High School Sinking into the Sea

Movie Review: My Entire High School Sinking into the Sea

May 04, 2017

Being in high school is a lot like being on an island; this island just happe...

Movie Review: The Promise

Movie Review: The Promise

April 27, 2017

Hollywood takes on the Armenian genocide with mixed results. Christian Bale p...