Happy New Year, dear readers! Hope you had a great holiday season eating turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, candied yams…
Yeah, you’ve got some weight to lose. But you’ve made the resolution. You’re going to the gym…tomorrow. Maybe the next day. But definitely sometime this month. Well, let me help kick you in the behind. You need a push, something that’s going to get you off that couch and onto the treadmill. What’s better than a song? A song that drives hard, pushes you to the limit and never, EVER gives up. There’s only one place to find that song: an 80s movie montage. There’s a lot to choose from when it comes to 80s montages, but it takes a special song to really inspire you. But I’ve done the legwork, and found you the three most inspirational 80s montage songs to help get your fat ass back in shape.
EG DAILY - MIND OVER MATTER (FROM SUMMER SCHOOL)
It's easy for a song to inspire you to run faster, dance like a maniac or kick the crap out of someone with karate. It's a special song that can inspire you to...take a test harder? "Mind Over Matter", from the Mark Harmon classic Summer School, does just that, and oh so much more. Harmon's Shoop has the summer to whip a group of misfits into shape and pass an English test or he'll lose his job. As the clock starts on their big exam, the electronic drums start, leading into a driving, synthesizer filled romp through every inspirational cliché your speech teacher would use to get you excited for that mock trial. Never has a montage of 20 somethings pretending to be teens putting pencil to paper been so exciting. It almost makes you want to go back to high school and ace that test you bombed because you stayed up late watching scrambled porn. But hey, it’ll do just as well on a treadmill. Did I mention it's sung by Dottie from Pee Wee's Big Adventure?
Most Inspirational Line - Sometimes it feels like we're losing altitude / But I've got a winner's attitude.
JOE ESPOSITO - YOU'RE THE BEST (FROM THE KARATE KID)
Yeah, it was Rocky with a kid who did karate instead of boxing. But it was one hell of a movie. You can't call yourself a child of the 80s and not love The Karate Kid. Daniel was the ultimate everyman. He started out as this scrawny fish out of water, and with the help of an awesome old dude, learned to chop down the competition AND get the girl. Before he could do that, he needed to get through the All-Valley Karate Tournament. Let's face it: karate tournaments are long. There's a lot of downtime. That's where our old friend the montage comes in to whisk us to the important parts, but you can't just have any song playing over this montage. Who are you going to use? Christopher Cross? Boz Skaggs? Hell no! You need someone with gruff power of...Joe Esposito? Well...hey, look the guy up, he's a Grammy nominee. And really, it doesn't matter what the guy did before or after The Karate Kid, because "You're The Best" has everything you could want in an inspirational song - messages of determination and strength, aimed at YOU! It's not the other guy who's the best, it's YOU that's the best! There's the backup chorus of kids yelling "FIGHT!" And you know with all of those synthesizers, someone, somewhere in that studio was playing a key-tar. Couple that with Daniel's inevitable dispatching of the Cobra Kai, and you have a recipe for inspiration.
Most Inspirational Line - History repeats itself, try and you'll succeed / Never doubt that you're the one, and you can have your dream.
JOHN CAFFERTY – HEARTS ON FIRE (FROM ROCKY IV)
I was at a Starbucks a few weeks ago, standing behind some guy and his five year old. Out of nowhere, the kid asks his dad, “What was the Cold War?” The dad then went into an incredibly confusing explanation of our decades long psychological battle with the Russians. Unnecessary, I say. If I ever have a kid, and he asks about the Cold War, I’ll pull out my copy of Rocky IV and fast-forward to the training montage. Here’s a history lesson in less than 4 minutes. Drago, the big Russian robot, using everything technology has to offer. Computers, modern weights, video assistance. Whoa, what’s that? A syringe? Steroids? Damn communists! Rocky doesn’t need any of that stuff. He takes it old school! He dead presses his wife and Burt Young in a giant horse cart! He chops down trees! And he doesn’t need a heated track. He’ll dodge the KGB and run up to the top of a snowy mountain to the hard driving tones of the guy that wrote the music for Eddie and the Cruisers! It’s enough to make you want to chant “USA! USA!” Rocky ends up defeating Drago, and bringing the Russian crowd to its feet. Only a few years later, the wall would fall and communism would die. A fictional character bringing down the real red menace? What’s more inspirational than that?
Most Inspirational Lyric - Things that give deep passions are your sword / Rules and regulations have no meaning anymore